You wont be coming out ‘normal’

Unless you’re bacteria, frog, worm, bird, fish, or snake chances are you’re coming out into the world through a vagina. That’s the way nature made mammals. And you are a mammal. You’ll learn why someday (I don’t want to explain, I just want to entertain and maybe confuse you a little.) But when you do learn about these things it’ll probably amuse you at first, and later when you’re in your puberty and you get into the nitty-gritty of being a mammal it’ll probably be awkward; but when you grow older, you’ll begin to study about the mammalian potential and possibilities it’ll just probably sound factual to you (after curiosities are satisfied, of course). By then, you’ll realize that it’s normal to be a mammal (normal doesn’t have anything to do about it, it’s just a category anyway), and it’s normal for baby mammals to go out of a vagina. And if you’re smart, you’ll probably even understand what being normal means. But don’t get ahead of yourself… unlike me.

But then again, like I said, you are not coming out normal. You won’t go out through a vagina like 95 percent of other babies. This is because you’re a breech baby, and a special kind of breech for that matter— you’re a footling breech a rare sort that’s only about two percent of births. Meaning your head isn’t the right side down facing the birthing canal and you have your foot stuck in the passageway; and last we checked you are kneeling with your head down as if in a very solemn or desperate prayer.

I blame your Mamita Geng for this (she wants to be called Mamita and not lola). She would always play her praise songs at full blast every 5 am in the morning, and intermittently throughout the day. It could be argued that music is the most effective way to communicate with the soul, and you without your consciousness could just be a malleable soul, and your Mamita’s praise songs forced your soul to bend your body into that classic worship pose.

Because of this odd position you’ve put yourself into, you couldn’t be delivered the normal way. Some breech babies could be delivered normally through the birthing canal if it’s the second baby and the passage way is already broken in, but since you’re a first, it would be very dangerous for both you and your mom to force a normal delivery.

The alternative from coming out from a vagina is passing through a five to six inch incision on your mom’s tummy. It’s not as scary as it sounds, your mom will be fine. It’s her recovery I’m worried about, and knowing her, it’ll not be easy to take care of her. She’s a big baby as well (peace). There’s a reason why the term ‘baby mama’ is coined and it applies to your mom in many levels (peace and love)… but I guess that’s just part this parenting adventure bundle I’ve gotten myself into and all’s good. It’s normal. And normal is sometimes something you just accept.

You’ll struggle with things normal and try to deviate from it at certain points in your life, specially you that didn’t come out the normal way from the get go. But if it makes you feel any better; folklore has ascribed babies like you with special powers and good fortune. The ancients said you’d make a brilliant masseuse because your touch can cure sprains and a mere caress can easily relieve a fishbone stuck on someone’s throat. This magical skill considered, you’d at least have a means to make money just in case people are still superstitious 18 or so years from now. And besides, a career in physical therapy makes a killing in some countries. But kidding aside, I know you’ll be special… you already are.

So smile my Princess, because you’re two out of a hundred, with a magic touch and a bringer of luck, and perhaps it’s correct to say that you’re not at all normal.

There was Gago wine and so you happened…

Remember that within every situation are perspectives and interpretations. There are always many versions of every tale, and all versions should be considered (take note though, that considering something is different from actually believing it).

So here is my version (one of many) of how you came to be…

It was my birthday. Your Tito Malay cooked a scrumptious birthday dinner for the group. He cooked T-bone steaks stewed in thick gravy, a marble potato salad, tossed pasta, and there were lots and lots of red wine.

Later, the wine ran out and Malay had to pull from his hidden stash so the party could continue. He brought out a wine called GAGO, a Spanish wine and a gift given to him by your Tito Harn and Tita Pam during his birthday three months back. And that Gago wine, aptly named considering the effects, is a badass wine.

Your Tita Pam would always exclaim jokingly whenever the story of your conception comes up that Gago wine is the fertility wine. It might be. Why not? Whatever works, right?

‘Whatever works’, sounds like a statement for the clueless and desperate, which I am in different instances during that tumultuous year of 2011. And the torture of being aware of being clueless and desperate (about stuff not related to making babies) is eased (temporarily) by an overdose of wine. And at that moment, Gago wine is at hand. With it, along with glasses of of Jacob’s Creek, Stone Cellars and Frontera, a level was b/reached and I arrived at a point of no return and liked it.

Someday you’ll learn about tipping points and thresholds, and reaching this point or level could both be good and bad. That night, the threshold was passed and control was lost and you were made. I would like to believe that it was a good thing. Of course it’s a good thing. It could even be argued that it’s the best act of drunken courage I’ve ever committed in my life. And there you have it. I have you.

That’s basically the story of your conception.

Sorry if I had to share this story with emphasis to wines, but I think it’s a funny, if not inappropriate, detail of your creation story. There’s a more romantic version, I could tell that someday, but it wouldn’t have the element of the ‘wine’ in it and without it I would lose my point.

Wines, spirits, liquor, and beer play an important role in human life. They are sort of friends, acquaintances, enemies, addictions, relievers, and remedies for many things you’d learn for yourself when you’re old enough. That night though, those red bottled spirits played different roles for different people. It made others sad and in denial, it made some naughty in an awkward funny way, it made others happy enough to confront certain doubts they had within themselves. And no matter how people expressed it, it somehow revealed what people wanted.

My favorite wine quote came from the Italians: In vino, verite - in wine there is truth. Wine honestly reveals a part of yourself that you would have repressed or denied in sobriety. That time I knew what I wanted and I honestly admitted to myself that I wanted you. It was my birthday anyway and you would be my gift. And that’s what happened on my 28^th year on earth. I closed my eyes, made a wish and drank, and it happened.

Today is March 5; it’s the first Monday of the first week of summer in 2012. Three weeks from now you will be born. Three weeks from now, I’m going to pop a bottle of bubbly (Gago is just too strong, and the name is too weird) and maybe light a Cuban cigar just like in the movies. I will drink to your arrival to consciousness, puff away to your first breath, and celebrate the start of a lifetime that we’ll be sharing together.

The night when you first came into my mind

It was an unremarkable June night in 2011. I probably came from a meeting that time. I was driving alone. Traffic was moderate in Edsa. Nothing special happened, except maybe the thought of you springing up in my mind. I could still remember the exact location where I was when that happened. Who would have thought that a month later, that idea of you would become real? Someone said to me that all that which you manifest is before you; I didn’t know he was serious when he said it and that it could be true.

I was driving up the Edsa to Ortigas ramp. The radio was off and there was silence. It was one of those contemplative drives when you tune out the traffic noise and only your thoughts keep you company. During which, I started thinking about life experiences and how to make the most out of them. My thoughts seesawed from memories to possibilities. I reminisced my past and outlined a brief structure of my future. And perhaps It’s only natural during such moments for you to ask yourself as to where to go next? After all the night outs, booze, intoxication, drinking the yuppie grail, getting lost and found, being here and there, breaking and mending, becoming sane and crazy… what’s next, what now?

And then out of the left field of my subconscious, it hit me: fatherhood. That time the concept merely sounded like an adventure. Seemed like a piece that could somehow complete a human life experience of the male puzzle. I got a bit scared by my line of thinking. I froze for a bit but then said to myself: why not?

As I stepped on the accelerator while climbing the incline, I realized that I wanted to experience being a father. I wanted fatherhood and all its challenges. I wanted to feel unconditional love, and this is a surefire way. I wanted a princess, a girl I’ll love with every fiber of my being. That’s when I realized I wanted you.

One morning, six weeks later, two red lines said that my wish came true.