Unless you’re bacteria, frog, worm, bird, fish, or snake chances are you’re coming out into the world through a vagina. That’s the way nature made mammals. And you are a mammal. You’ll learn why someday (I don’t want to explain, I just want to entertain and maybe confuse you a little.) But when you do learn about these things it’ll probably amuse you at first, and later when you’re in your puberty and you get into the nitty-gritty of being a mammal it’ll probably be awkward; but when you grow older, you’ll begin to study about the mammalian potential and possibilities it’ll just probably sound factual to you (after curiosities are satisfied, of course). By then, you’ll realize that it’s normal to be a mammal (normal doesn’t have anything to do about it, it’s just a category anyway), and it’s normal for baby mammals to go out of a vagina. And if you’re smart, you’ll probably even understand what being normal means. But don’t get ahead of yourself… unlike me.
But then again, like I said, you are not coming out normal. You won’t go out through a vagina like 95 percent of other babies. This is because you’re a breech baby, and a special kind of breech for that matter— you’re a footling breech a rare sort that’s only about two percent of births. Meaning your head isn’t the right side down facing the birthing canal and you have your foot stuck in the passageway; and last we checked you are kneeling with your head down as if in a very solemn or desperate prayer.
I blame your Mamita Geng for this (she wants to be called Mamita and not lola). She would always play her praise songs at full blast every 5 am in the morning, and intermittently throughout the day. It could be argued that music is the most effective way to communicate with the soul, and you without your consciousness could just be a malleable soul, and your Mamita’s praise songs forced your soul to bend your body into that classic worship pose.
Because of this odd position you’ve put yourself into, you couldn’t be delivered the normal way. Some breech babies could be delivered normally through the birthing canal if it’s the second baby and the passage way is already broken in, but since you’re a first, it would be very dangerous for both you and your mom to force a normal delivery.
The alternative from coming out from a vagina is passing through a five to six inch incision on your mom’s tummy. It’s not as scary as it sounds, your mom will be fine. It’s her recovery I’m worried about, and knowing her, it’ll not be easy to take care of her. She’s a big baby as well (peace). There’s a reason why the term ‘baby mama’ is coined and it applies to your mom in many levels (peace and love)… but I guess that’s just part this parenting adventure bundle I’ve gotten myself into and all’s good. It’s normal. And normal is sometimes something you just accept.
You’ll struggle with things normal and try to deviate from it at certain points in your life, specially you that didn’t come out the normal way from the get go. But if it makes you feel any better; folklore has ascribed babies like you with special powers and good fortune. The ancients said you’d make a brilliant masseuse because your touch can cure sprains and a mere caress can easily relieve a fishbone stuck on someone’s throat. This magical skill considered, you’d at least have a means to make money just in case people are still superstitious 18 or so years from now. And besides, a career in physical therapy makes a killing in some countries. But kidding aside, I know you’ll be special… you already are.
So smile my Princess, because you’re two out of a hundred, with a magic touch and a bringer of luck, and perhaps it’s correct to say that you’re not at all normal.
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