It was an unremarkable June night in 2011. I probably came from a meeting that time. I was driving alone. Traffic was moderate in Edsa. Nothing special happened, except maybe the thought of you springing up in my mind. I could still remember the exact location where I was when that happened. Who would have thought that a month later, that idea of you would become real? Someone said to me that all that which you manifest is before you; I didn’t know he was serious when he said it and that it could be true.
I was driving up the Edsa to Ortigas ramp. The radio was off and there was silence. It was one of those contemplative drives when you tune out the traffic noise and only your thoughts keep you company. During which, I started thinking about life experiences and how to make the most out of them. My thoughts seesawed from memories to possibilities. I reminisced my past and outlined a brief structure of my future. And perhaps It’s only natural during such moments for you to ask yourself as to where to go next? After all the night outs, booze, intoxication, drinking the yuppie grail, getting lost and found, being here and there, breaking and mending, becoming sane and crazy… what’s next, what now?
And then out of the left field of my subconscious, it hit me: fatherhood. That time the concept merely sounded like an adventure. Seemed like a piece that could somehow complete a human life experience of the male puzzle. I got a bit scared by my line of thinking. I froze for a bit but then said to myself: why not?
As I stepped on the accelerator while climbing the incline, I realized that I wanted to experience being a father. I wanted fatherhood and all its challenges. I wanted to feel unconditional love, and this is a surefire way. I wanted a princess, a girl I’ll love with every fiber of my being. That’s when I realized I wanted you.
One morning, six weeks later, two red lines said that my wish came true.
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